Worried about starting counselling? Here are some things you should know

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Starting counselling can feel huge, especially if it’s the first time you’ve ever tried it. What is it going to be like? What will the counsellor think of me? Am I wasting their time? What if I do it wrong? If these are the sorts of questions that are standing in the way of you trying it out, this blog is for you.

Every counsellor is different, so I’m writing this based on how I work with my clients. Here are some things I think it is helpful to know if you’re thinking of starting counselling.

It’s normal to feel anxious about starting counselling

It’s understandable to be anxious about something new and I never underestimate how hard it can be for a client to walk into a counselling room for the first time. Counselling takes courage, because you know that you are stepping into that space to explore the hard and painful things that you usually avoid for a reason - because they’re difficult and ‘messy’ and bring up all sorts of uncomfortable emotions. 

And you can be pretty sure that your counsellor has seen it all before. We’re a pretty unshockable bunch! Being in a counselling room, with a counsellor that you feel comfortable with and feel you can trust is one of the safest spaces to explore the messy and upsetting stuff. We are trained to hold all the emotions that you bring so that we can help you explore them safely and your own pace.

The relationship is important

Every counsellor is different, and work in different ways so it’s important to find one that you feel comfortable and safe with. You are going to be talking about very personal things and being able to trust and feel comfortable with your counsellor is important. If you feel that you’d be comfortable to tell me anything, that's a good sign that I’m good fit for you.

This also means that you might not get it right first time. If you have a session or two with me that just doesn’t feel right for you, it’s not because you’re ‘doing it wrong’. It could be that I’m just not the right counsellor for you. If this happens, I would much rather that you find someone you are more comfortable with. And I’m happy to do my best to help you find someone. You’re investing your time, energy and money in caring for yourself, so the most important thing is that you get what you need.

You’re making a commitment to yourself

I’m not going to lie - counselling can be hard emotional work! But when you decide to begin that process you are making a commitment to yourself that can be life-changing. So it can be helpful to have an idea of what you’d like to get from it. Do you want to change something about your life? Do you want to be able to stand up for yourself more and feel more able to set boundaries? Do you want to explore situations or relationships in your life that you can’t change but want to be able to let go of or accept? Having an idea in advance can help you and I to focus on what’s important to you.

Ultimate self-care

I often say that counselling is the ultimate self-care. It’s about committing to having regular time to think about you and what’s important in your life right now. In day-to-day life there are so many outside influences that can stand in the way of you making space and time for yourself. And when you’re pulled in all directions it’s often easier (and quicker) to put yourself at the bottom of the pile with an empty promise that you’ll think about it all another day. Carving out regular time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings, and on how you want your life to be is an act of self-care.

You lead, I follow

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Counselling is your space to use in whatever way is best for you. There’s not a right or wrong way to

‘do’ counselling. Some clients come with a list of things that they might want to talk about, others come in and say “I’m not sure what I’m going to talk about this week” and leave surprised at what’s come up for them. Some bring a journal and talk through something they have written. Sometimes there’s a lot of silence, or anger, or tears. Sometimes there's laughter. 

My role is to be with you, whatever you bring and however you are, to help you make sense of things and untangle the issues that feel unmanageable. I do this by listening, asking questions, sharing observations and connections, and gently challenging negative thoughts, self-talk or feelings that don’t seem to benefit you.

You set the pace

Counselling goes at your pace, and I won’t pressure you to talk about anything that you aren’t ready for. Pushing you to talk about upsetting and traumatic events before you feel ready isn’t going to benefit you, and could be harmful, which is why I follow your lead and check that the pace is ok for you. If it’s not, I want to hear that so we can slow down or go back to it at a time when you feel more able to work through it.

My job is not to judge you or have an opinion on how you live your life

I think one of the big worries for anyone starting counselling is that they are going to be judged by their counsellor. And that worry is never about being judged favourably. Please be reassured that my job is not to judge you or how you live your life, or to compare you to other people. That wouldn’t be respectful and it wouldn’t benefit you. My job is to work with you to try to see your life through your lens and help you explore what is working for you and what isn’t so you can make your own decisions about what comes next.

You might still feel unsure about starting counselling, especially if it’s a completely new experience for you. But taking that first step can be life-changing. If you’re unsure where to begin, get in touch and we can take it step by step.

Contact me

Contact me at counselling@tranquillo.group to discuss how counselling might be helpful for you. I work face to face from my therapy room in Falkirk, and online.

If self-care is something you would like to delve into a little deeper, my workbook ‘Self-care 101: a workbook for caring people who forget to care for themselves’ and my free ebook ‘Self-Care Tips for the Frazzled: Small steps to frazzle-free living’  are available here. 

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