Still Wrestling with Self-Care? You’re Not the Only One

Photo by Max van der Oetelaar on Unsplash

Do you ever get to the end of your day, wonder where the time has gone and think ‘I never have any time for me’? If this sounds familiar, then this blog is for you.

That time you try to carve out for yourself to do things you enjoy and spend time with people who fill your cup, make you laugh, and feel cared for is called self-care. And if you find it hard to fit this into your life you’re not alone. It’s something that many of us find it really hard to prioritise

Carving out time for yourself can feel hard, for so many reasons. How many times have you thought:

• ‘Doing x is selfish, when y asked me to help them with (insert task here)’

• ‘I should be doing x. I don’t have time to go for a walk/to journal/to rest’

• I can’t meet up for coffee today. There are so many other things I need to get done’

• ‘I have to get x done, I’ll have to cancel that gym class’

• They need me to do it, and it won’t get done otherwise’

When you put yourself at the bottom of the pile all the time, it’s no wonder you feel tired, overwhelmed and maybe even a bit resentful. It can begin to feel like you’re living your life by other people’s expectations and agendas. And over time that starts to have implications on your physical and mental health.

Maybe:

• you’re feeling anxious that saying no means you’ll upset people or make them angry

• a glass of wine (or two) or a family-sized bar of chocolate every night is helping you wind down at the end of the day

• you’re noticing that you feel angry or resentful that nobody seems to think about helping you

• even a small ask from someone feels like a huge inconvenience

• you go through your days exhausted, but when you fall into bed you just can’t sleep

• you can’t concentrate - your brain feels full of this problem, and it’s noisy in there!

I get it. Carrying the weight of everyone’s needs and expectations is going to have an impact. Being the one everybody turns to feels like a huge responsibility and all these thoughts are an understandable reaction to the stress you are feeling about keeping everybody happy. 

And while I bang on about the benefits of self-care all the time, there are moments when I struggle with it too. Sometimes it just feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day to meet my commitments, without trying to carve out time to do something for myself. I’m one of the ‘sandwich generation’ - needed by both the younger and older generations in my family - at the same time as perimenopause is zapping my energy and playing havoc with my memory. And my counselling practice takes up a lot of my time too. Sometimes even vegging in front of the TV at the end of the day seems an effort! 

But here’s the thing… When I do make the time for self-care, I know I feel better. Doing something to nurture myself eases my stress, replenishes my energy, and makes me feel more able to carry on with everything I need to do.

Identifying why it’s so hard for you can be a great first step in helping you claim back some time for yourself. What are your barriers to self-care? And how can you reframe these so it feels easier to add some self-care into your day? Here are some that I hear often:

“It’s selfish to take time for myself when other people need me” Is it really? You are also a person who deserves your love and care. And maybe giving yourself permission to take time for you is essential. If you’re crawling over the finish line at the end of every day you will be less able to do what you need to do, and be there for the people who need you.

Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash

“I don’t have time for self-care”

Self-care doesn’t have to be time-consuming, expensive, or ‘fancy’ (unless you want it to be). It might

be a few minutes in the garden with a cuppa, reading a couple of pages of a book, a walk around the block, or a quick chat with a friend to offload a worry. Even a couple of minutes of deep breathing in a quiet room can help to soothe a stressed-out nervous system.

“They’re going to be upset if I say no”

Boundaries are important for health and wellbeing. If you often find yourself in a situation where you’re putting off things you want to do, or cancelling your plans to accommodate other people’s needs, then thinking about your boundaries is a good idea. Knowing what you’re prepared to accept, what you’re prepared to do, and who you’re prepared to do it for is helpful. Boundaries can help you say no to the things that aren’t important or necessary, leaving you more time and energy to spend on the important people (and stuff) in your life.

Believe me, you’re doing everyone a favour by caring for yourself! And your future self will thank you for it too. How much easier would tomorrow be if you took some time to look after yourself today?

If self-care is something you would like to delve into a little deeper, my workbook ‘Self-care 101: a workbook for caring people who forget to care for themselves’ and my free ebook ‘Self-Care Tips for the Frazzled: Small steps to frazzle-free living’  are available here. 

I hope you find these blogs interesting and helpful. If you’d like to read more of my musings you can subscribe to my blog at https://www.tranquillocounselling.com/blog and follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tranquillocounselling and on Instagram at www.instagram.com/tranquillocounselling

Contact me

Contact me at counselling@tranquillo.group to discuss how counselling might be helpful for you. I work face to face from my therapy room in Falkirk, and online.

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